I caught myself thinking a few days ago how shamelessly I post about my work now.
Never mind the fact that there is no difference between my „work“ and my life, that I love what I do and do good to boot… there was a moment of (socially conditioned) cringe… like I’m doing something wrong.
What’s that? A pinch of guilt? Yummers!
But then it struck me.
What’s the alternative?
Feeling ashamed? Of something I’ve deliberately dedicated a rather huge chunk of my life and finances to?
Because the opposite of shamelessness is – shame.
So I got to wondering how shame managed to become desirable, if being shameless is a definite no-no.
So why shame? And from where?
I have no idea.
You know me well enough not to expect a treatise on power structures while quoting m. Foucault or mme Dworkin.
Most often I hear it when a parent tells a kid “you should be ashamed of yourself”. Not of whatever you did but yourself. Your being.
The kid’s face immediately wilts into that specific listlessness when shamed, without understanding why exactly.
Over the years, being ashamed of yourself becomes a reality, often accompanied by its bestie, guilt. A winning duo for a miserable, joyless life.
And being shameless… remains a judgement of those we don’t quite get … And politicians, but that’s a subject for another day…
And then, not fully off topic (I did study languages, after all), I came to think of all those “easy” women. Giving it up so easily. Never mind the whole concept of “giving it up” in sex, what’s the alternative? Not giving it up? Or not of her own volition? Are we into violence as a fetish? Clearly not. Shame. It’s a much more palatable bedtime companion. Coz clearly no one likes “difficult” women. Or easy. Hm. A bit of a conundrum.
And what exactly is the problem with things being easy? In life as in bed?? If I/you had sex with a different partner every day, as long as it’s consensual and to mutual satisfaction, that’s a lot of happy adults!
Oh, I get it! You’re worried one of these easy women will steal away your partner and you’ll be left alone?
Do you really need that kind of a fear in your life?
Here’s a hint: If you can lose him, he was never yours to begin with.
Never mind, are we into ownership here? Where does free will figure?
Wow, we’ve sure made sure not to make it easy on ourselves!